Kevin Magoon Mr. USA blah

One person can hurt you so bad you feel so messed up. It is like an act they put on to make you trust them. But then later you understand that there was no trust. No love no nothing. Not even a liking to you. So you become so hurt you feel like you will never be okay again. It is like this depression that settles inside of you and all your thinking is, "What did I do? What could I have done differently?" No questions, no confrontations. An understandment from one end but not to the other. A coward in his way of avoiding confrontation or the truth....Or just shut me out and forget anything that ever happened. Was that person hiding something? What did he think? It wasnt like him at all. Such a surprise. But not typical. I ignored my friends who said that person could be using you. Or all their warnings. What was I suppose to think? I wasnt going to believe it. He still spoke to me a little afterward. Ugh but I fell for it. I then sat dreaming of something that would never happen. The sky just turned dark and it rained a flood of tears and rain. Outside it even thundered a little as I walked to no where. The rain mixed with my tears. I looked so damn pathetic. Where ever I was going was better then the interent. Where ever I was going was better then the truth. Eyes cried out to the best of its advantage. Took more then a day for me to even feel a little better. Not even complete I didnt want to go home. Why go home? It was the truth that bothered me. And the feeling of, " What did I do wrong? What damnt! Just tell me." That was the problem. Nothing was told to me. No communicationg. All trust is lost. Forever. I dont want to love or be loved. I wasnt ready for it like I had once stated. And if I had loved I would be over. I just wanted to die as I walked further. On the bus I sat in the back and cried. Who cares if no one couldnt find me. I needed a sense of relief and pain. I was in so much pain physically and emotionally. No words could escape my mouth from the crying or gasping for air. Slowly sauntering down the street cars honked, it was getting dark. I saw young children in the cars with their parents going home to a nice warm house. Where there were no worries. Where they didnt have to worry about dating yet. Or heart break or the opposite sex. I should have stopped thinking about it but thats all that I could think about. Hadnt eaten at all. Didnt sleep. Walked, rode and cried. Until I decided I needed to get home. Now I sit here typing away wondering now, whats next to come. Time to move forward. But I cant move forward until this pain goes away. And that takes time. Knowing a man never liked you and really liked someone else is hard. Especially if the connection on the other half was only admirance. But nothing good can come out of this. Its just a lesson to learn. Just think about the future. And try to catch it. It was just one big lie. It was just an act. He got what he wanted. Now he can be on his way to victory. Until I slowly make my way up and overpower any hard feelings of pain and hurt. Until.....But when is until. There is no until. He can Just leave me here. You dont have to care. But Im sure I do. Enough. Just until. I cant sleep anymore. Its sad how one person can kill.Until this pain goes away. when your throat starts to clench& tingle & your heart gets so warmthe heat travels through your body,when your stomach starts to feelthose unforgiving butterflies thatspark the instant flow of tears. that'sthe worst pain you'll ever feel. thatis your heart breaking....<>